CONVERSATIONS BEGIN IN THE BODY - NOT THE MIND.
Tara Brach writes in Radical Acceptance, ‘’ We listen to the sounds of words before we look for the meanings of those words’’. This statement speaks directly to our body’s role in communication.
Before the intellect engages with meaning, our nervous system is already making sense of the sound scape and responding to the tone, tempo, rhythm and energy behind the words. Our unconscious is constantly scanning for cues of safety and threat in what we now understand as neuroception, a term introduced by Dr. Stephen Porges in his work on Polyvagal Theory.
Neuroception is our body’s internal surveillance system that scans our environment for signs of safety or danger. It operates beneath conscious awareness, determining whether we are safe enough to remain open and engaged or if we must mobilize into protective states like fight, fright, freeze or fawn.
The clinician Deb Dana explores Dr. Purges’ work in her book Anchored. She describes it this way: ‘’ While we think our brains are in charge, the heart of our daily experience and the way we navigate the world begins in our bodies with the autonomic nervous system. This is the place where the stories emerge about who we are and how the world works, what we do and how we feel. It is our biology that shapes our experiences of safety and connection’’.
This knowledge has obvious implications for mediation. Mediation is often seen as a cognitive, problem solving process but at its heart mediation is a relational process that begins and ends with communication. When a participant feels under threat, the parts of the brain that are responsible for higher reasoning, empathy and curiosity (which facilitate effective communication), are simply offline.
So what does it mean for mediators to recognise that conversations begin in the body? It means we need to become attuned to more than words. We need to notice our own physiology too and track the subtle signals of co-regulation or disconnection within the room. It also means we have to pay careful attention to how conversations start as tone, timing and delivery all matter.
The mediator’s role is not just to hold space intellectually, but to hold space somatically. We help set the tone for the participants’ nervous system to regulate. The more deeply we understand that communication is not just a verbal exercise but a bodily event, the more effective we become as mediators.
As both a trauma informed solicitor and mediator accredited by the Law Society of Scotland, I recognise the importance of integrating this understanding into practice. An awareness of neuroception, and how the nervous system shapes perception and behavior, enables me to draw on interdisciplinary insights and create the optimal conditions in which family conflict can be resolved safely and effectively.
