WHAT TO EXPECT IN THE FIRST JOINT SESSION

A GUIDE TO THE STRUCTURE, FLOW AND EMOTIONAL TONE OF A FIRST JOINT SESSION

Mediation offers a structured and confidential space for separating couples to have difficult yet constructive conversations, whether about divorce, parenting or financial arrangements. Some mediations address a single issue, such as which school a child should attend or consent for international travel. While every case is different, the first joint session is often key to setting the tone for the process ahead.

SETTING THE GROUND RULES

Your mediator will begin by outlining how mediation works. This includes: The principles of confidentiality and it’s legal limits. Your right to pause or end the process at any point. The mediator’s neutral role. The importance of full and honest disclosure of relevant information, and the self determined nature of mediation, meaning you retain control over the outcomes.

CREATING SPACE TO SPEAK AND BE HEARD

An aim of the first joint mediation session is to initiate conversation in a new and constructive way, one that gives both people the chance to speak and to be truly heard. Drs. John and Julie Gottman call this ‘ a softened start up’. Their research shows that how a conversation begins can predict how it is going to end, with 96% accuracy . The mediator supports this constructive beginning, guiding the conversation with neutrality and structure. Your tone, language and body language matter. The Gottmans’ ‘magic ratio’ suggests that five positive interactions are needed to balance out every one negative. Small signals such as a sigh or an eye roll can derail a session, especially when emotions are running high.

CLARIFYING WHAT YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT

A key part of the first session is to identify the issues that you each want to discuss and shape these into a joint agenda. While you may have already spoken about this during your individual meeting with the mediator, they will ask you to repeat it in the joint session. This is not a duplication but a core part of the process. What is said in individual sessions remains confidential in the joint mediation unless you choose to raise it yourself. Re-stating what you wish to mediate allows the other person the opportunity to hear this directly, and ensures that the joint agenda reflects the concerns of both parties.

BEGINNING TO EXPLORE THE WAY FORWARD

In the first session, no one is expected to agree to anything. The goal is to explore what each of you needs, understand what matters most, and begin to identify areas of shared ground. Often, the first session reveals where deeper discussion or further information is needed. Trying to rush towards solutions too early can short circuit the groundwork needed for genuine progress. The first session lays the foundation for safe, focused and effective option generation in the sessions to come.